Time
marches on, passes, flies when you're having fun can go to Hell.
Wasn't it yesterday that we - the bootless and unhorsed complainers of the Yankiverse - toasted the end of 2023, a torture trail of gonadal tweaks, GIDPs and Exit Velos?
The Death Barge won a pitiful 82 games. Aaron Judge hit a mere 37 HRs, and Anthony Volpe batted a despicable .209. The results - even for YES, the most powerful propaganda machine in American sports - were unspinnable. It was a shit year.
Eighty-two wins. Eighty losses. Yikes.
Obviously, the GM and manager were quickly fired the team audited itself and made no front office changes. Sparing no expense, the team signed Cy Young winner Blake Snell, Luke Weaver.
Last March, we invited IT IS HIGH readers to predict the number of Yankee victories that would happen in 2023. For a site perceived to be venomous and bitter toward the Yankee Condition, these projections came in ridiculously high. We perceive ourselves as harsh critics of the team. In fact, we are a bunch of giggling Holly Golightlys.
In October's final tally, The WinWarblist proved to be the IT IS HIGH Nostradamus by predicting 85 victories. Alphonso - the relentless voice of doom - finished second. He was the only reader to project a sub-.500 season, 77 wins.
For the record, I was fat, drunk and stupidly upbeat, predicting 100 wins. And HoraceClarke66, currently the toast of the NYC literary scene, scored a rose-colored 93.
Well, it's time again to put our Pollyannish ignorance on display.
It's time to make our predictions for 2024.
Here's how we'll do this. Get your projections to me by Thursday, at 3:10 p.m. Eastern, when the Yankees begin their season in Houston. (They will lose, of course, unless astral projections from Garret Cole create a rip in the Matrix.) Over the next few days, post them into the Comments sections.
We need your predictions for:
The number of Yankee wins in 2024.
Tie-breaker No. 1: The number of wins to be recorded by Carlos Rodon in 2024.
Tie-breaker No. 3: The number of HRs to be hit by Juan Soto in 2024.
I'm slaving over my numbers and will post them Wednesday, after the team announces its final wave of secret injuries.
Get out your abacuses, everybody. Get thee to an AI chatbox. Time is of the essence a fuckin' asshole. But who knows? Come October 5, maybe you will be the new IT IS HIGH Nostradamus.
By the way, here's how we all did last year... Read it and bleep.
THE IT IS HIGH Predictions for 2023
Name Wins Judge HRs Volpe BA
The Idiots
Stang 102 74 .241
JM 101 55 .262
Platoni 101 52 .287
ME, EL DUQUE 100 63 .238
Eaters of the Crap
Ken of Brooklyn 98 49 .248
Mattingly’s Mustache 97 60 .273
Dave Murray 97 54 .262
Ranger_lp 96 47 .273
Hammer of God 96 37 .260
PgPick 96 52 .257
Doug K 96 47 .301
Jaraxle (form Dantes) 96 52 .282
Gary Frenay 96 55 .277
Hopeless Romantics
Zachary A 95 43 .253
Carl J. Weitz 94 45 .271
Kevin 94 52 .274
Vampifella 94 18 .225
HoraceClarke66 93 42 .244
Hinkey Haines 93 44 .272
BernBabyBern 92 36 .276
AboveAverage 92 48 .281
David Bellela 92 x x
MildredLopez 91 44 .251
Lieber 91 50 .282
Rufus T. Firefly 90 44 .256
RtotheE 90 50 .250
Dopeless Romantics
Borntorun99 89 36 .248
Urban Farmer 89 28 .231
DickAllen 89 54 .241
Scottish Yankee fan 88 44 .245
Archangel 88 49 .280
13bit 86 51 .271
CelerinoSanchez 86 39 .269
WinWarblist 85 52 .242
The Angry One
Alphonso 77 47 .289